The Bay Head Beacon

A Nor'easter coming out of the Sou'west has dumped literally billions of snowflakes in our area. Early reports that this would just be another blizzard have proven to be shortsighted as this storm was at least a blizzard and a half. Meteorologist, Dr. Beau Gus Phorkhast, said this storm registered a category "OMG!" "In recent years we've had some 'Are you kidding me?!' storms, but it's been a while since we've seen an 'OMG!' in this area," said Dr. Phorkhast. "There is only one category higher than an 'OMG!' storm, and that's a 'We're Doomed!' storm. Fortunately, those are rare. New Jersey hasn't seen one of those since 1954." Dr. Beau Gus Phorkhast explained that the lowest category storm, "This Sucks!", is the most common category of storm in the state. To many, this storm seemed more like a "We're doomed!" than an "OMG!" High winds, heavy snowfall, and arct...

Mother nature has struck with a vengeance dumping as much as an inch of snow throughout our area! Fortunately, the governor stated that the state is in a state of emergency! The national guard is standing by in case martial law needs to be declared! Citizens are doing their best to cope with the wicked weather! Residents are huddling in their homes, praying the storm will soon pass! Children, hoping to discover a winter wonderland are instead finding the staggering results of nature's fury! "When will this torment end?" they seem to be asking in unison! Dedicated commuters did their best to make it to work! "I'm exhausted!" said one local, after spending literal minutes cleaning an inch of snow from his car! We can only hope their rides to work were safe! Fare well, brave souls! Rutgers meteorologist, Dr. Bob Sled, said that this storm is easily the worst he has seen this year! "Up until now, we've barely had a flurry," said Dr. Sled! "To ...