The Bay Head Beacon

A Nor'easter coming out of the Sou'west has dumped literally billions of snowflakes in our area. Early reports that this would just be another blizzard have proven to be shortsighted as this storm was at least a blizzard and a half. Meteorologist, Dr. Beau Gus Phorkhast, said this storm registered a category "OMG!" "In recent years we've had some 'Are you kidding me?!' storms, but it's been a while since we've seen an 'OMG!' in this area," said Dr. Phorkhast. "There is only one category higher than an 'OMG!' storm, and that's a 'We're Doomed!' storm. Fortunately, those are rare. New Jersey hasn't seen one of those since 1954." Dr. Beau Gus Phorkhast explained that the lowest category storm, "This Sucks!", is the most common category of storm in the state. To many, this storm seemed more like a "We're doomed!" than an "OMG!" High winds, heavy snowfall, and arct...

Mother nature has struck with a vengeance dumping as much as an inch of snow throughout our area! Fortunately, the governor stated that the state is in a state of emergency! The national guard is standing by in case martial law needs to be declared! Citizens are doing their best to cope with the wicked weather! Residents are huddling in their homes, praying the storm will soon pass! Children, hoping to discover a winter wonderland are instead finding the staggering results of nature's fury! "When will this torment end?" they seem to be asking in unison! Dedicated commuters did their best to make it to work! "I'm exhausted!" said one local, after spending literal minutes cleaning an inch of snow from his car! We can only hope their rides to work were safe! Fare well, brave souls! Rutgers meteorologist, Dr. Bob Sled, said that this storm is easily the worst he has seen this year! "Up until now, we've barely had a flurry," said Dr. Sled! "To ...

2020 was almost the year without a Santa Claus. On Christmas, as Santa and his reindeer flew their sleigh across the Jersey shore sky, tragedy was narrowly averted. A rogue seagull flew right into Santa's face. This dangerous collision could have had dire consequences if not for some quick thinking by old St. Nick. The expert sleigh pilot was able to make an emergency landing on the Point Pleasant Canal. It was reminiscent of Captain "Sully" Sullenberger's "Miracle on Hudson" water landing. Santa Claus expert, Dr. Joy Toothuhworld, author of the best seller, "It's OK, Santa Believes in You," has spent much of the past year studying this event. Dr Toothuhworld explains what happened:  'twas the night before Christmas, when over Bay Head, a bird hit dear Santa right in the head. The seagull bounced off and went on his way, but Santa had trouble controlling his sleigh. Security cameras down on the ground,  captured images of Santa as he flew a...

Frigid ocean water did not deter nude beachgoers from jumping waves in the nude for a nude charity. A group of about thirty nude people and a few nude dogs gathered on Point Pleasant's nude beach to take a nude "Polar Bear Plunge" this weekend. A Polar Bear Plunge is an event where beachgoers will run into chilly ocean waters in order to raise money for a good cause. The difference with the Point Pleasant nude event is that no one wore any swimwear when they hit the nude beach. Organizer and nude enthusiast, Bertha Daye-Suit, said the day was a great nude success. "What a wonderful nude day for anyone who enjoys running nude into icy water! Plus, we raised a lot of money for a great nude cause while being nude!" The nude swimmers collected over $2,000 for Nude Americans Keeping Everything Decent (NAKED). "The purpose of NAKED is to raise awareness that there is nothing indecent about being nude," said 78-year-old Bertha Daye-Suit, as she stood nude on ...

Bob Ayega is returning to Bay Head after almost 30 years. The former resident is excited about his new venture, John Wick Candles. "I decided it was time to come home," said Ayega. "Once I came up with the concept of John Wick Candles for the bathroom, I knew I wanted to open my first shop in Bay Head." The name comes from John, because they are for the bathroom, and Wick, because they are candles. These unique candles come in a small, toilet shaped holder. When the lid is open, a built-in lighter ignites the specialcandle that eliminates bathroom odors. After five minutes the lid closes automatically, snuffing out the flame. As Ayega said," It kills the odors, then kills the flame. John Wick is the perfect killer." For Bob Ayega, this homecoming has been a long time coming. When he left Bay Head, he travelled to many places and lived his life in many different ways. For a time, because of his love of dancing, he was known as Bob Ayega, "the Boogie Ma...

One of the easiest ways for an organization to increase revenue is to sell naming rights. Almost all professional sports arenas now are named for an advertiser. When the leaders of Point Pleasant Borough realized they had a commodity that could produce passive income just by renaming it, the decision to sell the name was easy. The Committee to Rename Our Canal (CROC) was formed by the borough. The head of CROC, Bill Uhvgoods, said, "We were surprised that so many companies and organizations would want the naming rights, but we had a great response right away."  Eight different entities expressed interest in naming rights to the canal. Three made serious bids. One was a manufacturer of spooky Halloween items. CROC didn't understand why they were interested, so they decided not to go with Eerie Canal. Also, a maker of hats made a bid, but Panama Canal also was not chosen. In the end, the winner was a state agency. "The New Jersey Regional Office of Tourism (ROOT) made ...

Wenke's Motel has been a Point Pleasant landmark for 60 years. Located on Route 88, the motel featured small cabins that provided travelers with a comfortable place to stay. In recent years, though, the motel became rundown and eventually closed. The property was sold to developers who wanted to turn the building into condominiums, an idea that was met with strong resistance from the community. Now, the new property owners have come up with a different plan that they believe will be a better fit for the area. "Since our condominium idea was not very popular, we decided to go back to the drawing board," said developer's spokesperson Bette Weewin. "We understood that that traffic and congestion that would be caused by so many new residents would have a negative impact on the community. Contrary to what has been reported, we are not heartless. We want to be a positive influence to the area. That is why we are now proposing that a dance club should be built on the pr...

 A few years ago, when Corrado's Italian Market announced they were coming to Brick, area residents were pretty excited. Whether someone is Italian, or just loves good Italian food, the idea of having a great Italian supermarket nearby was terrific news. Unfortunately, circumstances have led to numerous delays. The grand opening was announced several times, but had to be put off. Now, though, as 2021 comes to a close, there may finally be light at the end of the tunnel. "I know that everyone at the shore has been disappointed that Corrado's in Brick has not opened yet," said company spokesperson Nevah Opennin. "We are very sorry that it has taken so long, but I have some good news today that should make a lot of people very happy."  Local resident, Hope Fayding, isn't buying it. "This is like the third time they said they are making a big announcement. I mean, I love Italian delicacies, but I can't allow myself to get excited again just to suffe...

The Bay Head Witches Coven (BHWC) is holding open enrollment this month for the area's local witch coven. Anyone interested in joining must submit their application before November 1 to be considered. High Witch of the Bay Head Witches Coven,  Samantha Stevens,  says that anyone who is currently an unaligned witch, or who just thinks they might have a knack for the dark arts should apply as soon as possible or attend one of their information sessions to learn more. "We have several BHWC open houses and information sessions coming up," said Witch Stevens. "My mother, Endora,  who is a former high witch, will be giving the welcoming remarks. My daughter Tabitha will be manning the information booth. And Dr. Bombay will be on hand to do health screenings. Of course, we will also be serving refreshments and potions." The Bay Head Witches Coven is the largest coven at the Jersey shore and has been active for over 200 years. "When this coven started in 1817, ther...

Point Borough Council member, Guy Izzaquitter, resigned at a recent meeting. He read a prepared speech and then left the meeting room.  "Frederick Nietzsche said, ' And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' I firmly believe this is the perfect time to take my leave of you." Izzaquitter then walked out of the meeting room, but returned a minute later when he realized he had forgotten his hat. Assistant to the mayor, Holden DeLine, said, "What was Mr. Izzaquitter talking about? Something about dancing? I never really noticed him before tonight." Guy Izzaquitter said that he thinks he made his point. "I think my message was perfectly clear. Anyone who doesn't like me will take it one way. Anyone who does like me will take it another. Anyone who knows me will understand exactly what I meant. Anyone who I see in the supermarket will probably not know that I said it. Anyone who doesn't speak Engl...

Eighty-four year old Muddy Waterman has lived along the Point Pleasant Canal his entire life. He has piloted many boats through the channel, fished along its banks, and watched as the traffic of water craft has increased over the years. This experience has made him something of an expert on the canal. That's why when Muddy Waterman says something about it, people listen. "I don't know exactly why," said Waterman, "but for some reason the canal just seems a lot wetter than it used to be."  This unusual assertion is not supported by science. When asked about Waterman's remarks, a prominent aqua scientist said, "How did you get this number?" However, a less prominent aqua scientist stated that water can't be "wetter." Muddy Waterman is undeterred. "I know what I know," he said. "It's simple. If you have one puddle, it's wet. And you have another puddle, that's also wet. But you put them together in one pudd...

Dr. Hugh Mungus of Stockton University has spent the last six months working on the restoration of a unique archeological find. Last year a fishing boat reported seeing an ice berg off the coast of Point Pleasant. When the Coast Guard investigated, they realized that there was something frozen inside. They towed it to a dock in Bay Head and contacted Dr. Mungus.  "What I saw inside the ice was truly amazing," said Dr. Mungus. "It was a huge violin, or viola that seemed to be completely intact. I immediately assumed that it must be an artifact that once belonged to a Greenland Giant." The warming of northern climates has resulted in some unexpected discoveries as ice melts. One of the most well known and exciting is the Greenland Giants. In 2009, archeologists found that a race of giants, over 30 feet tall, had once lived in a settlement in Greenland. Scientists estimated that at its peak, there were as many as 2,000 giant humans living in Greenland in a European sty...

Anyone who has ever visited the beach has held a sea shell to their ear so they can hear the ocean. No matter how far away a person is from the beach, they can put the shell to an ear and hear sounds reminiscent of waves and sea breezes. This tradition has existed for countless generations, but something has changed recently. Some people are reporting that when they put a shell to their ear, they are picking up phone conversations. Lifeguards on Point Pleasant and Bay Head beaches reported that people were coming up to them and saying there was something wrong with the shells. The lifeguards verified the problem and collected some of the shells to bring to their managers. That's when Dr. Tia Mowbuhl of Seton Hall University's Audiology Department was contacted. "When people hear the ocean in shells, it's actually an auditory illusion," said Dr. Mowbuhl. "The surrounding noises resonate in the shell creating the familiar ocean sound. What people have been ex...

New Jersey beachgoers have noticed a sharp rise in the number of biting flies at the shore. Unlike years ago when insects at the beach were an occasional nuisance, biting flies have become a persistent pestilence. Some beaches are plagued by creepy "greenheads" with their painful bites that can make it almost impossible to stay outdoors. In Ocean county, it is usually black flies that scrape a person's skin and then drink the blood like a mini vampire.  As local resident Dawn MacMantis put it, "These flies really suck! All these sand flies, and sand fleas on our sandwiches! You swat at them and they just bite you more. And repellents barely work. You can almost hear the bugs laughing at you when you're putting it on." The question that arises is, what is causing this sudden spike in vicious bugs? A researcher at the Eastern Entomology Knowledge Base University Group Science (EEKBUGS) thinks she knows the answer. "Modern Americans are just too tasty,...