Local Expert Says Canal Seems "Wetter" Than Usual

Eighty-four year old Muddy Waterman has lived along the Point Pleasant Canal his entire life. He has piloted many boats through the channel, fished along its banks, and watched as the traffic of water craft has increased over the years. This experience has made him something of an expert on the canal. That's why when Muddy Waterman says something about it, people listen.

"I don't know exactly why," said Waterman, "but for some reason the canal just seems a lot wetter than it used to be." 

This unusual assertion is not supported by science. When asked about Waterman's remarks, a prominent aqua scientist said, "How did you get this number?" However, a less prominent aqua scientist stated that water can't be "wetter."

Muddy Waterman is undeterred. "I know what I know," he said. "It's simple. If you have one puddle, it's wet. And you have another puddle, that's also wet. But you put them together in one puddle, all that water is now wetter than when you started."

Waterman has a few theories as to what could be causing the additional wetness. "I've heard there's been some sort of climate change in recent years, so that might be causing it," he said. "When ice melts at the North Pole, could be that water is naturally wetter and comes down here. Either that, or the warmer waters are making fish sweat more and that's making things worse."

It is unclear what would be the consequences of wetter water in the canal, but Waterman thinks it could cause all sorts of trouble. "Boats could have a harder time moving, and fish might be unable to swim against the current! If it gets worse, the water could just become so wet that it's unusable!"

Waterman believes that the problem needs to be addressed. He would like to see the town install a series a powerful fans along the canal to help dry the wet water. He plans to bring his suggestion to the next town council meeting along with his proposal for a UFO defense system.