"Express" Federal Prison to Open in Point Beach

On the corner of Arnold Ave. and River Ave, in Point Pleasant Beach is an empty building known as Arnold Hall.  The old building has been without tenants for quite a while, but now someone is finally moving in. It may be somewhat of a shock to learn that the building will be used as a federal prison.

"It will actually be a what is called an 'express' federal prison," said Warden Shawn Shank. "It will be a small prison used to temporarily hold prisoners, usually when they are being transported for some reason." 

Warden Shank explained that Point Pleasant was the perfect location. "You have a train station, easy access to multiple airports, and it's close to major highways. We can even bring in fugitives by boat if we have to." Warden Shank will be running the small prison with Director Red Emption. Together, Shawn Shank, Red Emption, and a few corrections officers will oversee up to 8 prisoners.

"Our aim is to make this a model penal institution," said Director Red Emption. "It doesn't matter if inmates will only be here for a short time. We believe it's our duty to try to help these felons improve their lives." Red has developed a number of activities inmates can enjoy while in the Point Pleasant Prison. "We'll be offering a weight room and tie dying classes. So instead of just sitting around, inmates can either get busy liftin' or get busy dyin'." 

Director Emption will also counsel inmates in his office. He was asked about the large poster behind his desk with the word "Rehabilitation." Red said, "I know what you think it means, sonny. To me, it's just a made-up word. A politician's word. I just got it because the poster was on sale at the prison supply store."

Inside Point Pleasant prison, there will be no sharp angles because Warden Shank believes sharp angles make rooms seem restrictive. "People will ask, how can you be so obtuse? But I tell them it makes the small spaces feel more open."

The job of renovating the old building was given to the general contractor Randall Stevens, better known as Handy Andy. He says the project is going well. "Shawn Shank, Red Emption, and the rest of the staff have been great," he says. "Warden Shank is a bit of a stickler, though. He's always saying, Andy, do refrain from spending too much.' He also said he hopes that the job gets done in time. I told him. hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. Warden Shank just told me to get back to work."

Warden Shank says he is mostly pleased with Andy's work, though occasionally he does have to remind him to get back to work. "This one time I caught him drinking a beer when he should have been working. Andy said something like, 'I think a man working outside feels more like a man if he can have a bottle of suds.' I reminded him he had a job to do and if he didn't get to it, I would hamstring him. We haven't had any problems since then."

Though the official opening date for Point Pleasant Federal Prison is June 3, they are already housing one inmate. "An emergency situation arose, and we had to take in well-known criminal and overall bad guy Salvatore Vayshun," says Warden Shank. "He's in there right now taking a nap. You could say, Sal Vayshun lies within."