Locals Disagree on How to Fix the Problem

For several weeks, local residents have been discussing what should be done. Opinions differ on what is the best option and, in some instances, the disagreements have turned to open arguments. On one occasion, neighbors were driven to fisticuffs as they stubbornly stuck to their own views.

Holden DeLine, assistant to the Point Borough mayor, said that steps are being taken. "We are taking steps," said DeLine. "The public should rest assured that a multi-community bipartisan cross-cultural extra-terrestrial task force has been created to address the situation. We are confident that with some creative thinking, elbow grease, and due diligence we will be able to get the office supplies and stationery we need for the task force. Then we can begin arguing about what to do."

Many residents remain skeptical. "I'm still skeptical," said Bay Head resident Bill O'Goods, who wished to remain anonymous. "The last time this happened back in '93, we got the same song and dance from the local politicians. Now, granted, the mayor of Point Beach back then was quite the singer and dancer. His performance of the 'Impossible Dream' brought the house down, but they never really addressed the situation to my satisfaction. I have little confidence it will be any different this time"

DeLine said that residents need to give the committee time to find solutions. "Residents need to give us time. The first step is to agree on an approach. We plan on taking the thirty member task force to Atlantic City for a week long brainstorming session. If that yields no results, we are fully prepared to spend a week in Las Vegas. I can guarantee that we will not stop taking brainstorming trips until we use up our entire budget."

Bill O'Goods still has doubts about how effective the task force will be. "I still have doubts," he said. "I mean, this group of people attending meetings, going on trips, spending tax payer money... sure that's a good start, but when can we expect results?"

Holden DeLine said that residents can expect results soon. "Residents can expect results soon, and I mean soon in the geological sense. These things can't be rushed. If we rush, we could make a mistake, and if we make a mistake, that would be bad, and by bad, I mean not good. So it is imperative that everyone gives our taskforce the time it needs to address the situation so it doesn't turn into an issue"

The task force is encouraging all concerned citizens to write down their suggestions regarding the situation and immediately throw them away since they will be ignored anyway. 

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