Doctor Octohands Brings Creepy Fun to Jenkinson's Aquarium

Dr. Victor "Octohands" Moreau is a modern day mad scientist, but don't tell him that. "I am anything but 'mad'," Dr. Octohands says with a laugh. "In fact, I'm one of the happiest people you'll ever meet." Still, Dr. Octohands admits that the primary motivation for his research is to play god. He says, "I believe that if a scientist is not pushing the boundaries of nature and exploring the dark realms of creation, they're just not trying." 

Exploring the dark realms of creation is what Dr. Octohands has been doing for the past 20 years. In his basement lab at his home in Hohokus, New Jersey, the doctor has been toiling away trying to cross a human with an animal to create some sort of hideous creature. With a grant from the National Science Foundation, Dr. Octohands has been able to finally have some success. "One of the more difficult choices was deciding what animal to cross with a human. People suggest things like gorillas so you can make a really strong human, but where are you going to get a gorilla? I was going to use a sloth because, surprisingly, I was able to order one on eBay. I did some tests with the sloth and my research assistant, but they didn't have much effect other than that my assistant sleeps all the time now." 

Inspiration came from an unusual source. "I was in the mood to make stir-fry, so I stopped by the Asian supermarket," he said. "I bought some rice and bok choy and headed over to the fish department. While I was ordering some shrimp I happened to notice the live fish tanks. One tank held two octopi, and I thought, eureka!" Dr. Octohands bought the cephalopods and rushed home to begin work.

After enjoying a nice shrimp stir-fry, Dr. Octohhands started studying his new subjects. At some point he reached into the tank where they had been placed, and one octopus came over and wrapped itself around his hand. "I immediately knew what to do. I would create something like 'Edward Scissorhands' only with octopi instead of scissors. It was all so clear to me!"

The next few months were a blur of experiments and research. As the doctor explained it, the process would involve a combination of genetic manipulation, lightning, elbow grease, and bending the forces of nature to his very will. "I was ready to try the process with a human, but I couldn't wake my assistant. I didn't want to wait, though, so I decided I would experiment on myself. I know that wasn't very wise, but as my trainer says at Planet Fitness, no pain, no gain."  

The experiment was a success, at least as far as the doctor was concerned. The result was that he had two octopi fused to his arms at a genetic level. "I have to tell you, this worked out way better than I ever expected. It took some getting used to, but I can now control the tentacles better than my own fingers. You should see how fast I can type. The octopi are basically unharmed and they can stay out of water for hours at a time. I think it worked out for them, too, because otherwise they would have wound up as someone's dinner."

After publishing his results, Dr. Octohands met with some criticism. Other scientists called him a "monster" and said that he had "committed a crime against nature." The doctor wasn't bothered by any of this. "Sometimes scientists just can't understand the work of others. I remember reading that when Einstein published his theories many scientists couldn't comprehend them, though that was mostly because they couldn't read German. In my case, I think there might be a little bit of jealousy. Deep down, I bet they would like to have an octopus hand, too."

After deciding to take a break from scientific research, and adopting the name "Dr. Octohands." he decided to turn to his other passion: entertaining children. "When I was younger, I couldn't decide if I wanted a career working at kids' parties or if I wanted to tinker with the primordial forces of life. I almost went to clown college, but in the end opted for MIT. Now, though, I finally have the time to work with kids."

Dr. Octohands is touring aquariums up and down the east coast. He says his shows have a little science, a little magic, a few scares, and a lot of fun. He will be appearing in a tank at Jenkinson's Aquarium in Point Pleasant Beach between October 30 and November 21. He says visitor's won't be disappointed.

"Kids love my shows. They laugh and scream, mostly scream, when they see my hands, but for those few kids who stick around until the end, I think I really make a difference. Some have even asked me how they can grow up to bend the forces of nature in grotesque ways. I always tell them, just study hard and follow your dreams!"