BREAKING NEWS: OVER 1,000 UNSENT BALLOTS FOUND OUTSIDE BAY HEAD POST OFFICE

Just over 1,000 unmailed ballots have been found behind the Bay Head Post Office leading to concerns of invalid elections. "It was an honest mistake," said Wayne Knight, District Manager for the USPS. "Someone just forgot to load them on the truck when they were being shipped out. Later, they must have just been mistaken for garbage, but nothing was done intentionally."


Bay Head resident Dolion Votazione isn't buying it. "There's definitely some shenanigans going on here. I posted my vote at the Bay Head Post Office with plenty of time to spare. I was careful to follow all the instructions when I filled out the form. Now, I don't even know if my vote counted or not! Having someone say it was just a 'mistake' isn't an acceptable answer!"

Balla Mendax of Mantoloking is equally concerned. "This decision was very important to a lot of people. It doesn't matter what your choice was, we all have a right to participate in the process. That's been stolen from us! Maybe it's my own fault for mailing the vote instead of using another option." 

Longtime Point Pleasant resident, Agnes Badcrumble, says she regrets mailing her ballot from Bay Head. "I like that Post Office because it's so convenient to use those drive-up mailboxes they have across the street; you don't even have to get out of your car. Honestly, though, after learning that they lost so many votes... it almost makes you lose faith in the whole system. I don't want to believe there was any cheating, but as my friend Gladys says, some people will do anything to win. It's a real shame."

Mr. Knight said that, unfortunately, there really isn't anything that can be done. "We are still investigating, but the voting deadline has passed. I can only say that on behalf of the USPS, we are truly sorry. We understand how important this vote was to some people."

We contacted the Frito-Lay Corporation to inquire if they are aware of the situation. Company Spokesperson, Burgonya Crisps, issued this statement: "We at Frito-Lay are very sorry that some votes in our Lays Flavor Contest have been lost in Bay Head, New Jersey. If it is any consolation, we recieved over 46 million votes, so the votes that were lost would not have impacted the outcome. We have already tallied the votes between Peanut Butter Pretzel Lays and Pad Thai Lays and will announce the winner on Thanksgving Day. To help make up for the mix-up, we will be sending several thousand coupons for Lays Chips to be distributed at the Bay Head Post Office."

Mr. Knight said the Lays coupons will be made available as soon as they arrive. "Frankly, we thought the coupons would have arrived already. I'm not sure where they are right now. Frito-Lay probably should have sent them by FedEx."

Comments

  1. KB2SEONovember 13, 2020 at 2:35 PM

    Hard to believe they would snap at crunch time like that!

    ReplyDelete
  2. NJ Hypnotist James MaloneNovember 15, 2020 at 12:43 PM

    I've lived locally my whole life and want to thank you for this blog, it's a breath of humorous fresh air. Believe it or not, I found you when an elderly person I know emailed this post to me and asked if it was real. Strange times we live in!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Candor VeracityNovember 15, 2020 at 4:18 PM

      Thanks for your comment! The blog really is just supposed to be entertaining, but it is interesting how often people think the stories are real. The USS New Jersey being stuck in the canal was the one that surprised me the most. So many people believed it!

      Delete

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